Time and time again, therapists hear similar questions and statements about relationships in their counseling practices. Now, there are many many reasons why all of these statements and questions are valid depending on the situation. However, it is important to not stop with these questions and statements.
What is wrong with me?
What is wrong with them?
Why won’t anyone date me?
Why are people always leaving me?
Why did they cheat on me?
Why can’t we get along?
What is intimacy anyway?
Are relationships all about sex and nothing more?
What patterns am I in with my partner that I don’t like?
Is our relationship unbalanced?
Why don’t I feel connected in my relationship?
Are ALL people this way? I can’t stand it.
I’ll never be happy in a relationship!
REMEMBER: One of the most important tools in a relationship or if you are looking to find a good relationship for you, is knowledge.
Most of us were not taught healthy relationship skills as children. In fact, many of us might have had a difficult dating situation during our adolescence or young adulthood that left us hurt and angry. In some cases, one might need to engage in trauma therapy to heal from the wounds of past relationships. For others, regular talk-therapy may be enough to help from “regroup” and begin the dating process again.
- Esther Perel is a relationship therapist with a podcast, blog and Ted Talk.
- Stan Tatkin has written many important books on relationship styles and how to improve your approach to romantic relationships.
- The Gottman Institute has been studying relationships and romantic partnerships for over 40 years! Learn from the experts!
- The Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy institute has a lot of resources for those interested.
- Imago Therapy is an advanced way for couples to learn how to be in a relationship in a healthy way. They even have courses on their website.
- If you are having trouble with your libido as a female, it may be a good idea to find out why and learn about solutions: Check out this course!
Knowledge is Power!
If you are not ready to start with some of the books, courses, and resources above, learning from shorter articles may be a good way to initiate your learning experience:
- Love is Not a Permanent State of Enthusiasm
- Why The Spark Fades in Relationships
- Sex and Your Gut: Low sex drive? Erectile dysfunction? Gut bacteria may be key to a good sex life.
- Sexual desire often fades in relationships
If these resources or others are not working and you are single, it might be time to try group counseling.
If you are in a couple and none of these resources or others are working, you may want to consider couples therapy.
Licensed therapists at Health for Life Counseling in Grand Rapids, MI, and Ada, MI, will help you identify the problem spots in your relationship or in your approaches to dating, develop healthy coping strategies, and empower you to speak your truth in relationship. Trauma-informed counseling in the West Michigan area involves research-backed strategies to heal from past relationship wounds in a safe environment.