Finding purpose in life, for Women

Women and purpose: Denise DeJonge works with women going through transitions at all ages.

Finding purpose in life, for Women

Who Am I, You Ask? … Good Question

You have seen me around, I have many names: Mom, Wife, Aunt, Daughter, School Room Mom, Employee, Volunteer, Caretaker, Sunday School Teacher. But who am I really? I wonder sometimes. And what is my purpose?

What I don’t want you to know about me is: I am anxious, I am depressed, I am tired, I am insecure, I am spread thin while my hips spread wider, I put myself last, I am invisible. But yet, I continue to smile, give freely of myself, and I really wouldn’t want it any other way.

Research shows that many women in their 40-60’s experience a time when they question what their purpose in life is. It used to be called Mid-Life Crisis, “but what they are facing is a Mid-Life quest for identity”. During this age stage in life, children are leaving the home, friends once associated through children no longer have a common thread, illnesses and death of parents are prevalent, job markets are changing and couples are divorcing.

Wanting an identity is a necessity in life. “No one is immune to this identity event; even those who seem to have everything together question who they are and why they’re here.” “Through these roles, identity is being defined by outside forces. True Identity is who you are without the labels. Who you dream to be. Who you dare to be”.

How Do I Find Me?

  • Reframe – Another Perspective

“If we listen to our ego, we only see the differences between us and other people, but if we listen to our intuition, we see the overlaps, similarities, and connections.” Some people find it easier to decide who we don’t want to be, and work towards avoiding those choices.

  • Permission

“Don’t let people tell you that you have no right to be unhappy with your life. It is okay to lose your equilibrium when others think your life should be smooth sailing. It is okay to question your life’s purpose. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know who I am.” It is better to ask the questions and seek the answers than to live a numb life. Sometimes you have to lose yourself to find yourself.”

  • Look at You – It’s Not Selfish

Look at what you enjoy doing, and what have you thought about doing but never did. Ask yourself, what stopped you before? Is now the right time to try it? Go back to school, enroll in an enrichment class, travel, connect with old friends, write that book, embark on a new career. As soon as you are open to change, you immediately strengthen your sense of identity and you begin to grow.

No death, no doom, no anguish can arouse the surpassing despair which flows from a loss of identity.   H.P. Lovecraft                

Looking for a counselor in Grand Rapids, MI to help you or someone you know going through a quest for identity and purpose?

Give us a call at 616-200-4433 or click on Getting Started to schedule a complimentary consultation online.


Reynolds, M. Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction. San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler, 2010.

Bolin, Sabrina: MyMiBoSo

Mckown, Rebecca


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